She was unenvied by the masses because she was uncomprehended. How could she have thrown it all away, they thought? She was unaccustomed to their unforgiving eyes. She didn’t want to undissapear  to unscream and to unfail but she already had and there were no second chances. Everything possible had already happened. She uncontrolled the past by unexplaining what had happened even to herself. Why she was this way. She wanted to unlose herself from her addiction but it was too late all had been destroyed. She could not unturn the wheels of time. She undeserved the attention and wanted to uncreate the horrors of her past. The past events were unreachable and unchangeable. She wanted to unfeel them. She wanted to be unashamed and to unrid herself of the guilt. She was undriven to continue to pursue life. Yet she continued to breathe in and out. She wanted to unbreak her life. How could she put it back together? The days and hours unshortened and everything seemed like a blur. How many days or years had gone by? Why was it so unproblematic to stay alive, to go through the motions of the day? She wanted to unmarry and unbear her children. She wanted to undrive her car that day. She wanted to unsurvive. Every day, every second was unbearable. To undecrease her miserable exixtence she became sober and has been every second since. She wanted to unreward herself. She dragged herself to work to continue the unlife.  She was an unbeliever now but if there was any greater power. She believed it to be unexisting. Because if it existed it would have equated the balance by making her unlive and unbreathe.

Categories Creative Writing

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